In 2008, I begged Sig for his well-being to be open to therapy so that we wouldn’t hurt any more people – and continued my own personal path of therapy and healing – without him. The changes I was experiencing at the time were huge. A metamorphisis of ancient wisdom teaching and
understanding came pouring into my life that helped me grow and heal. This included DNA healing in addition to traditional regression therapy and access to knowledge/wisdom that spanned
several of my lifetimes.
Since I was going through rapid transformation at the time and enjoying my freedom, I told Sig that I would someday maybe keep the door open if he was willing to “heal” the wounds and
tried to move forward dating others. Nine months later, he came back to
me as a friend – free and clear and ready to be with me. However, at
this point, I was not. I told him I could not see him as I was seeing someone
new that lived overseas and explained to him that it was not a good time.
Persistent and unwilling to accept no – he persistently kept pushing me.
Sensing my birthday coming up in 2009 and 9 years of having me in his life - he
sensed me moving on and could feel he was losing me for good. I made a polite excuse and told him
maybe I could see him after I returned from Europe, but he wouldn’t take no for
an answer. It’s like he had “built in” radar to know I was moving away. “Oh its only lunch “ he said. “Oh, andby the way, I’m free and clear to move to LA now” - he said.. This sentence clearly was what he knew I wanted to hear –“Why now?” I thought to myself, when I had already decided to move on. Both these statements were false by the way… a ploy to lure me to see him as he knew they were the magic words I wanted to hear and so I caved in agreed to see him and it happened. Lunch lead
to spending the whole day together which lead to watching movies all night and
a pregnancy attempt and that’s all it took. Funny how life works like that sometimes. We think we are in control, but we’re not!
Against my better judgment, I went to see him and it was there at our seaside visit to the pier that my personal life began to unravel. Personal things had transpired that year and I found myself vulnerable, teary-eyed and crying a lot –this was not the way I wanted Sig or anyone to see me – but yes, it was a very emotional time in my life. I was recently laid off from my job as a reporter
after pulling several all nighters doing approximately 25 celebrity one-on-one
interviews requested of me – all in a matter of days – before my Editor turned around and fired me.. It was brutal!
And I was trying so hard to escape Sig –and there he was catching me in my moment of vulnerability and weakness. Little did I know – he had bought a house and was stuck on the farm –so to speak.. A place not to far off in my mind from the old TV show - Green Acres –and I was like “Eva Gabor” – not as materialistic – but not exactly a country girl either.. I was not happy about this – but he knew if he told me the truth that I would not see him that day. He look wounded and hurt after
proudly showing off his new house and I threw up my hands and said “What did you do this for – now your stuck in Green Acres! And “I don’t want to live there and clean this house”
Though my reaction was cold, I really didn’t mean to hurt his feelings or meant what I said, I just wish he had talked to me about it honestly beforehand.
We decided to go rest and watch movies in the hotel room. He looked tired from the 3 hour time change – and low and behold: both our favorite movies came on the TV: THE WIZARD OF OZ and SHREK – a favorite of ours. I said later to my grandma Rose – who I talk to frequently in Spritworld..
“MAN .. your Good!”
“Well, she said –we practically have to “bop” you two over the head for you to get it” when are you both going to finally “wake-up” and stop running from each other!”
A few weeks after that day, I continued to feel weak and flu like.. But Sig kept saying “Don’t be so melodramtic” and brushed it off.. Yet I knew something was off.. I went into deep trance and learned I was in fact pregnant before I even tested for pregnancy! The spirit of the baby came to me
with my grandma Rose and wanted to be called Gunnar. Not a very attractive name in my opinion – but a true warrior in every sense of the word and he was very excited – this spirit had telepathically communicated in clair-audio conversation the name and came to me only once with my grandmother. He had delayed incarnating and was waiting for me –because as my grandma explained- he was my best friend in one of my Roman lives and Sig’s mother from one of his
“seafaring” lives – as she put it.
This was a spirit that had an excellent relationship with both of us and as my grandmother said – having him as our child would be “ a reward” for having such challenging relationships growing up with my mother a relationship that mirrored Sig’s challenging relationship with his father. But they say –when we encounter a “soulmate” relationship –it can be one of our most challenging
relationships for growth yet also the most rewarding. And as one of my closest/wisest friend’s Kari always taught me: “people often grow up to become one of their parents and marry the other.” –and how true that appears to be! And to be a soulmate – is to have half of that person’s spirit inside you – so their pain – mirrors your pain – and vice versa.
A few weeks later it was still too soon to test for pregnancy, but my good friend and personal trainer, Witold came over for dinner with his boyfriend Tom and I complained of dizziness and nausea. They joked that I was pregnant and I told them that I seriously thought I was! After dinner, we sat down to watch the movie “Burn After Reading” and the scene opened with a flash of the game show Family Feud top ten survey answer.. “AND SHE’S PREGNANT” and I almost lost it.. My grandmother is never wrong and this just confirmed everything that I was going through. I was panicked as January was
an extremely busy travel month for me.. I had a ten day workshop in Miami with Drunvalo followed by a twenty-four hour return to LA before hoping on a plane to France and Zurich to visit France and have a birthday celebraton while validating some information for the PALS AROUND THE WORLD books – MY LITTLE FRENCH FRIEND and MY LITTLE SWISS FRIEND.
Newly pregnant, dizzy, jet-lagged and still in shock – I couldn’t believe what was happening – though I was not testing for pregnancy.. I had never been pregnant before and knew something was terribly wrong. I felt very weak, tired, hungry and nauseous at the same time. My friends in France ate lunch very late and one day I snapped at Jean-Louis ferociously for not having lunch until 2:30pm.. I was famished , yet nauseaous! I kept my little secret but from the stress of the
trip and traveling so much I miscarried on my way back to the States.. I knew it just before i flew home when I tested positive for pregnancy and was freaking out about it – as all over France I had been drinking wine and in “denial” that I was actually pregnant – as I would never intentionally do anything to harm a baby –and this had me seriously worried and stressed with no one to talk to about it.
During the flight home, I started having bad cramps and hemmoraging just as the pilot ironically said: “ We are now flying over ICELAND!” To make matters worse. The guy next to me on the plane – was a musician who asked me to take a listen to a CD on his ipod he had called yes"" “SIGUR ROS” a band from Iceland – not knowing the connection to the name Sig or Rose or the fact that I was saying goodbye to Gunnar (my Icelandic named child) at the same time I was saying goodbye to Iceland. I listened to the music in shock as I knew nothing about this band (one of Sig’s favorites that I learned later he sometimes played when we were together) or that I was in the process of miscarrying my ICELANDIC BABY as the Swiss Air pilot announced – “If you look on your personal monitors – you can see we are now passing Iceland directly below your feet” and it was at that exact moment that I knew what was happening– Iceland and Gunnar were gone for good.