For me personally I will start by reflecting on some early childhood experiences with own mother and father growing up from an early age to adulthood and how I can look back now through loving eyes and forgiveness from the energy healing/therapy I now work on individually with my clients.
Though I was never close to my mother, as I grew up, it was my grandparents who filled in the gaps in many ways for the lack of parenting and focus my parents were not capable of giving. I am so thankful every day for the active role my grandparents played in my life! For without them, I wouldn't know the strength and love I know and feel in my heart today.
My parents did the best they could with their limitations and for that I am truly grateful. They did want to have fun and we enjoyed summers boating and cruising the great lakes.. And my mother always had a home cooked dinner ready on the stove every night. That type of routine and stability I feel fortunate having in addition to giving me a wonderful education and travel experiences. Despite material advantages and attractive parents that looked good from the outside - things were not always wonderful on the inside. My father worked all the time and did the best he could, but was not attentive at all. After work, he was really too tired and too much into his own hobbies to be bothered. Weekends and days off were always about him and his hobbies: boats, cars and watching sports. He didn't really care to be responsible emotionally as a parent and couldn't be bothered spending time getting to know what we were about as individuals - typical of that generation!. Once my father was home from work, dinner always took place with the TV blasting and no interruptions or we were yelled at. But on the flip side, he loved animals, and found my rescue cat Gates, and had an ability to make us laugh, was a good provider, and was quite the child himself!
My mother too, had her good and bad points. She would help with homework and cook and was always a reliable ride to and from school.. But somehow she got lost in this process.. In addition to doing her mothering duties, she was often, depressed, very self absorbed and narcissistic at times and also hot tempered and dominant - which made for many household fights between my parents growing up. This was very unsettling at times, but something I learned to "tune out" growing up with their drama fueled fights. While my father was off working, everything in our house revolved around my mother and her needs. They were also about my brother and his tennis.. as he was treated like "JC walking on water" as the only son. Shopping days with my older sisters and mom were never a fun experience either!.. For starters it was always about my sisters - and I was always punished, yelled at, ignored or "ganged up on" so i eventually stopped going with "the girls." When my mom did try to take me on outings alone - it always ended up being about her and looking for her needs. Though having four kids is a large responsibility, my mother never had to work full time and minor events like having the flu and needing to go home from school would make her irrate! Sometimes her "masochistic side would show up - as I will never forget coming home on my sixth birthday and asking "Where's my birthday cake? "Where's my presents?" and having my mom pretend that they forgot until I cried and cried, while she shrugged her shoulders as I became more and more upset. . A joke.. yet a cruel one that was carried way too far. When she suggested i go into the garage to find my father, he was there assembling a "big wheel" for me. It had all been one big joke, but one that would be so gut wrenching and emotionally/psychologically upsetting that I still remember it to this day. While i forgive her, its just one of too many examples of what i had endured.
As I got older, I learned not to rely on my mother for anything I needed. I learned from my friends and their moms about puberty, fashion and things that my mother never prepared me for in life. My own friends were often not allowed to come over, yet when I did have the occasional friend visit, they were often criticized and put down immediately after they left.
Shopping excursions too, were always a battle of wills - as my mother would not give me the freedom to express my tastes, my own style, likes, etc. That changed with my independence at 11-12 years old. I started singing and bought my own clothes and did what I liked on my own. I also no longer went to lunch or shopping with my mom, aunts sisters etc, on Thursdays, my grandmothers's only day off from work, as I would rather spend it hanging out with my grandfather - instead of with the ladies of the family who took in two hour lunches gossiping and talking about people I didn't know. As the youngest, this bored and agitated me and it was not uncommon to find me behaving in mischievous ways, climbing under the dining table or all over a restaurant until my grandfather was called by phone to come rescue me - as this bad behavior was my exit out of there! That is one of my earliest memories of "lunching with the ladies" at 6 years of age. Today as a grown woman, I enjoy my ladies luncheons with my good girl friends - but the conversation is quite more loving and interesting than my childhood experiences.
Though I sometimes enjoyed hearing my aunt tell her happy stories/memories of ancestors long ago at the cottage - that was about the extent of the enjoyment felt from these luncheons every Thursday in my childhood. All I remember was feeling very "icky" around these female members of my family, as they had NO awareness or consciousness of the toxicity of their discussions taking place. They also didn't care how lacking it was in love, compassion or kindness or just how boring it was to talk about others! . However, my grandfather would come to my rescue and remove me from this toxic bunch. Though my grandma could be catty too.. she really was too busy working to get "caught up" in superficial dramas or talking much about others and perhaps wasn't aware that this behavior in her only came out at these luncheons. When it was just the two of us, my grandmother never talked this way. As my grandmother had a business to run and no time for idle chit-chat. With so much work responsibilities, she didn't have the time or interest to get caught up in anyone else's business nor did she care what others did in their personal lives. She was concerned with her own "movie". Something that I loved about her. She was down to earth and real! She taught me that if you can count your good friends on one hand - you are doing fine as life is not a popularity contest and you can't possibly be "best friends" with so many people. She found people too caught up in other people's movies to be insecure and she always sensed when people were attracting the wrong people in their lives superficially by not having a filter or good sense of judgement. Something I feel I inherited from her. At an early age, I knew my grandma was my hero and that I wanted to be more like her in this way!
Looking back when I was younger, I was somewhat aware of people's energy, but Im even more aware today. That can apply to many of us with the changes in consciousness. In my younger years i didn't always attracted people with good energy, but those that didn't have my best interests at heart were weeded out pretty quickly. as I aged, I learned, and I am so thankful for my spiritual growth to recognize who is worthy of being a friend.
As I got older and became more "in-tune", the friction with my mother became more and more evident too, especially the more I grew up and gained my independence. Yet as I tell my clients, we all pick our parents and they pick us for symbiotic learning and spiritual growth. In my late 20s, as I finished school and entered Corporate America, everything in my life that brought me joy from a new job to a romantic interest.. made my mother very angry and uncomfortable. I remember her once telling my boyfriend in my early 30s, "My daughter is always happy" - but she said it with such anger and annoyance. It was long before i realized years later after therapy and living away just how messed up my mother was and just how deep in her depression she was that she could not not be happy for me or for other people.
My initial reaction to her was: "No one is always happy, not even me. Why would you say that? I have my ups and downs just like everyone else" but again.. maybe because i didn't show it or have deep depression like she did in my early 30s? Something I am grateful for not having (even working through it when I did briefly have it years later), but obviously my mother's depression made her angry when others, particularly when others "appeared" to be happy - and it was a learning lesson to ensure I work on myself and my genetic DNA to ensure I didn't ever have it.
Though I didn't want to believe my mom was the way she was.. over the years I learned how to guard my thoughts, my plans and protect myself - as other peoples thoughts/disturbances can carry energy.
Yes, someone CAN harm your path if you are "unaware of it, and don't know how to lovingly heal and protect yourself. Prayers and putting yourself in white light is all that is needed and connecting to your heart chakra.
Sending energy back to someone that you feel may be harming you or always fearing someone is harming you is "fear based" thinking 5th plane thinking..
With my clients I help them to achieve what they need to do via meditation to "recreate" healing/loving feelings by healing the root cause of the shock or trauma to feel safe, protected and loved at all times. We also help them remove the roots of any "fear based" thinking if they constantly feel harmed or abused to newly recreate feelings of love and healing. Remember, no matter how abusive someone is - you can't let it taint you, your heart or your outlook on life and this can be healed!
Circumstances like toxic relationships between different souls are pre-planned in the Life between Life process before you incarnate. And yes, some people are "agasp" that one's own parent or a spouse can be abusive, but when you understand reincarnation and the context of people's past actions and the context of how they know you and other individuals, it makes sense that we are all at different learning levels and experiences.. and some people have to keep repeating lessons.
For me this lifetime, I had to learn to stand up for myself and call people out on their toxicity or "bad behavior to make it stop. This also included boundary setting until they could learn how to treat me right without being abusive.
With my own personal healing, this involved separating from my mother who I felt immediate occurrences with after talking or sharing good news with her, until I finally stood up to her and had a voice through healing to defend myself spiritually and vocally with my own healing work.. Something I would never do when i was younger.
Words hurt, and I will never forget when I received my first big International consulting job
with Andersen Consulting (today Accenture). I came home and the first person I told was my mother
who I asked to call my grandparents to come over for a celebration. This was a "big deal" for me
as my grandmother Rose was my role model in the business world. She was not only the matriarch
of our family, she was also a role model for the women's lib movement in the 50s way ahead of the actual movement! As she was one of the very first business women in Detroit and one of the first women to drive a car, marry a younger man (my grandfather) and to work and run her own business in an era where women didn't work outside the home. She was truly a woman ahead of her time!
My grandfather George too had influenced me greatly as he was a "big kid" who loved
to take me to my cousins ranch horseback riding (even when I was wearing a dress without the proper riding gear!) and to the Ice Capades or Apple Picking in September at Big Red with my other cousins and brother and sisters. He also was the first face I would see after school or after being away at summer camp and the one who arranged for me to have my drivers test taken in the middle of a snow storm near his office on my 16th birthday when every other business was closing! He was truly special and was all about love, kindness and happiness - especially with children! He filled in a lot of the gaps where my parents were not capable of parenting and made my childhood so very special! I loved him the most because he was too busy touching other people's lives in a positive way to be sitting around talking about other people or judging them. He was so happy and secure in himself and his spirituality that he didn't need it or want it.
Having Andersen Accounting for his taxes, a company he respected, my grandfather George was most proud of me and my new job! My grandmother Rose too was proud. Although she had already passed away years before, her presence was felt entirely around me the whole day up until the job offer. My mother upon hearing the news of my first big corporate job could barely say anything to me.. In fact, she acted withdrawn and depressed. A repeat pattern when I shared good news with her.
Despite her less than enthusiastic response.. I still had "no level of complete awareness" regarding my mother in my late 20s. As I ended the phone call with her, two minutes later the phone
rang. It was Andersen Consulting rescinding the job offer I had just signed and accepted after 3 interviews! Yes, energy travels fast.. and it took years to correlate.. but every time I told my mom good news.. she didn't like it and would have a "weird" depressing response and something would go wrong. My thought patterns were disbelief. "No! I am loved, and cherished.. This cannot be possible!" but with therapy and past life regressions and the life between lifetimes I had the maturity and spiritual knowledge to better understand her depression along with all the pieces I need of the context of her issues growing up unnurtured, feeling neglected with a working mother and why I agreed to be her child this lifetime, despite the hard knocks.
Though we all have different challenges with people in our soul groups, sometimes we help people just by being who we are and being true to what we are here for.. . and for me that is particularly true.
I will never forget that night with the job offer was taken away! I was so upset, but I used the power of prayer to pray about the job coming thru and called the Director of Human Resources pleading my case that perhaps they could make an exception (even though they overfilled their quota of hiring candidates), since I did technically sign all the paperwork for the job. Luckily, the Andersen Consulting Director of Change Management and HR Director called Headquarters and they were able to make the exception and "re-offer" me the job.. but it took several years later, until I finally learned from more experiences like this NOT to tell my mother ANY information.. The correlation between things going wrong after telling my mother were too "crisp and clear cut" to ignore.. and with time I grew wiser and learned to protected myself..
Next, when I worked on my first big job at Andersen, things were still not smooth sailing. I had to fight the verbal abuse of my parents telling me how I wasn't smart enough or good enough for the job because my sister didnt cut it in large corporate america. It was so toxic and abusive - and crumbled my self confidence. I remember leaving the restaurant where I had met them for dinner the first week on the job- because I didn't want them to taint my outlook or experience. Despite, chipping away at my confidence when I needed it most, I remember inviting my grandfather to lunch at the Ponchartrain Hotel (now the Crowne Plaza) in downtown Detroit next door to my office, so I could give him a grand tour of the Andersen Offices. This helped make up for these horrible experiences at home. It was so exciting to be able to treat my grandfather for a business lunch and say "thanks" for all he had done for me growing up and for all his help raising me and making me feel worthy and loved as a valuable person.
Moving out west to LA in 2005 and separating myself from my birth family gave me the independence and perspective to see things for what they were and grow tremendously in spirit. Prior to this, I didn't know any better that I was abused - as often victims of abuse don't realize it when they are "in it." I had many wonderful mentors and healers to light my path and to show me the truth and shadows in myself past and present.. including tapping into what I am here for this time around and awakened tremendous divinity and spiritual awareness the more I studied and healed others. Those on a spiritual path often do have an enlightenment that causes relations in your life to shift. By the time I launched Pals Around the World in 2009, my father, somewhat older and more dependent on my mother for his health needs became more abusive too.. as yes, my parents didn't like it - and because I wasn't my mother's favorite, my father told me candidly during my visit for some book readings in 2011 that " I'm not supposed to shine! " Yes he actually said these words to me.. As yes, luckily in the context of how I know my father (being his parent past life in the Lakota lifetime) I'm a strong enough individual to be my own cheerleader and tune it out - even today. If most people were put in my shoes, I am sure that they would not be able to overcome the abuse and achieve high self esteem or their own personal aspirations personally and professionally. Just like my paternal grandparents wouldn't have been able to "survive and thrive" being orphaned and lost as children - if they didn't have the "inner strength" to handle it. I feel much of my "inner strength," resolve and drive I inherited from them.
Given my strength of character and independence, I truly love myself today and I'm just as comfortable alone as I am in the company with those i love. I chose to be who I am- as we ALL choose our bodies, our paths, and our soul groups we reincarnate with to learn certain lessons. Believe me, this was a hard incarnation at times, but I'm glad I picked it to not only to help me grow in confidence and strength, but to also help the other souls overcome bullying and abusive behavior and master unconditional love and acceptance of other people. I work on the self-love and resilience every day to not let limited views taint my heart or outlook on life. I may have changed inside, but my family today is still the same.
I am so very thankful every day for the wonderful life I have lived so far, and for those friends, relatives and love interests who were there for me up until this point, guiding my path and supporting me. Without them, I would have never have had the strength at times or endurance to overcome the abuse and be who I am today.
Sometimes the abuse went beyond just achievements to attacking my physical appearance. I remember I felt so beautiful in this little black dress I wore for a family event I attended with my parents , my sister Lisbeth, her husband Mark (than her boyfriend at the time) along with my widowed grandfather George as my chaperon. My sister and mother started ganging up on me and in the heat of a fight right at the beginning of the event, my father chimed in to say: "You are ugly" followed by" "You will never be pretty like a Princess Diana." It was the meanest and cruelest thing a person could ever say to someone - especially, their own daughter when I felt my personal best and the argument had nothing to do with him. In fact, I have attached a picture of me in my 20s in this Little Black Dress I was wearing that night that I felt so very beautiful wearing. Again - as I started to cry, my grandfather George.. who was so loving and kind.. started to intervene and took me out into the hallway and started to cry with me.. He hated arguments or fighting of any kind and felt a sense of powerlessness over how I was being treated - but he knew my family and my father had crossed a line that was not right, but he felt powerless to intervene with the gloating and joy my mother, sister and her husband got out of "ganging up" on me. Past life reasons put this all into context, but really its not my issue. We cannot control others behavior no matter how bad they may behave. All we can control is our own response and not be a victim to take abuse.
I forgive my family and I don't dwell on it.. but I share some of the "worst" moments in this blog for my clients and for others reading this to grow and heal so that they too can look back at painful events like this in a healed way by getting the self-help and therapy they need. Whether a person feels like the bully or the victim, they still need healing and better understanding of why they are doing what they are doing. I write too for the protection of children in my family and children around the world who I do not want to experience the same sort of abuse.
Earth can be a difficult place at times as if your "all unconditional love" with the dense energies you will get smacked!.. Yet people can act so cruel and out of integrity at times - whether they are an adult or kid on the playground "mimicking" their bullying parent.. (with no awareness or consciousness of their cruelty at times). Since I found this in my own family, it's been "peace on earth" anywhere but around certain immediate family members the last few years. I know having loving friends and a love interest that understands (by overcoming similar challenges) helped contribute greatly to my healing too. - as everyone needs to feel loved and understood.
After my years working hard traveling internationally for work and eventually moving out west, I learned how to protect and heal myself and stay away from my parents, sister and their toxicity/gang mentality.. and I felt my confidence grow. I also felt unconditional love and acceptance from my cousins who showed me the same type of unconditional love i had experienced with my grandparents out west and for that I am truly grateful!.
Through sharing this story it is important to state that I forgive and work very hard on seeing my family through the eyes of love and acceptance. I always forgive and work at releasing any past painful memories that pop up from time to time to keep me happy and healed.
As a reminder to those who search deep inside for personal answers and healing.. it is not an overnight process. For example, I had to dig deep into therapy and a variety of indigenous and ancient healing modalities to take my shadow and pain out of the closet to examine it for what it truly was and find the root patterns to heal. It also took strength from ancestors to make up for what i didn't have in my immediate family. ..something my parents couldn't admit to or look at themselves with their level of understanding. Something also that my brother and sisters couldn't understand or acknowledge either.
Today I am happy, healthy and healed and forgive both my parents.. especially for being the "ring leader" of promoting and manipulating group hate and "gang" mentality in my family.
I forgive my mother - with my perspective of how i know her past and present needs healing. it explains for me why she hurts people (including me) and talks about them the way she does. Her past and present is just too painful and she is unwilling to accept that toxic behavior is linked to all her physical health ailments. Just last year she told me she has no desire to change her self, or embrace spirituality or new ways of thinking.. and that is sad - but its her choice.
What energy healing did for me is that it changed and healed ME and gave me "acceptance" for who my parents are and where they are at this lifetime on their spiritual path. I have the utmost patience knowing I'm doing what I'm here for and my mother will heal and forgive others when she is ready to do so, even if it takes her lifetimes.. may she get there when she is ready.
I also forgive my father too for chiming in putting me down so many times to please my mother and for trying to make me feel bad about myself because of his own insecurities, chauvinistic views towards liberated women and his own lack of confidence. Instead, these days I remind and honor the good things my parents have done for me and help prepare my father to grow and enjoy his years left in this lifetime.
As my transformation occurred, what I learned over the years was that my parents were really just two wounded children that grew up and married each other and really didnt not know any better because most parents in their generation weren't taught to work on themselves. I remind myself that I am their wise elder Beezer - the white bearded elder in the Martin Scorsese Film HUGO (ironically Beezer IS my family nickname since birth - now Bee or Auntie Bee for short..). In the film, the elder Beezer tries to advise the two children - (a very small role) but the two main characters, are exactly my two parents IF they had met each other as children this lifetime -and they are still these children today -with the little boy orphaned (just like my grandfather Albert). And my grandparents too were a part of the film with Ben Kingsley playing the role of George (like my maternal grandfather who is also named George) and his wife and muse for his films he makes in the film - a dopplehanger for my grandmother Rose.. Ironically, Hugo came out only a few weeks after I had a chocolatier name HUGO from France custom make a 1959 French chocolate bottle filled with gourmet chocolates for my parents wedding anniversary and gifted my father with a cologne and earphone set for his birthday from HUGO BOSS. Yes, when you know the context of how you know certain individuals in your soul group -no matter how troubled or dysfunctional they behave - when you peel back these layers with your own growing connection to spirit and the help of your ancestors - it really does dissolve the pain and makes you stronger. I know today helping certain family members heal and grow helps me too!
Through this difficult incarnation, the good news is that with healing work, breakthroughs occur and life gets better all the time. The more I heal and the more I share my past wounds to help those in pain to grow and heal, the more I realize just how far I have come to self heal and liberate myself. I constantly work on self-love and focus on moments where I have felt the love of my mother and my ancestors who were parental to me - (this and other lifetimes) to keep the flow of love emanating from my heart and to do the work I am here to do with healing children and adults.
However, I do not heal my mother, as to receive love/healing from me causes her to cry and "short-circuit" - as my path this lifetime is to help her heal by my own personal example (far away) and focus on helping others who need and are receptive to healing. I keep my independence so I can do what I'm here to do. If you give love/healing to someone that is not receptive, you flood them! a kabbalist concept that many spiritual beings understand.
Though some of you reading my blogs may not fully understand it - you don't have to.. I've earned over many lifetimes of carrying and being responsible for others in my soul families the freedom of this lifetime and my choices are my own and right for where I am and need to be in the process of MY path.
Though i cannot change what happened growing up.. or what happened over the years I wouldn't want to. I agreed to it and it has lead me to where I am today.
I am doing what I am here to do and happy doing it. I am comfortable knowing that I picked this path and feel at peace knowing I am handling my life in the best way possible. I always forgive and keep love flowing from my heart by working at it through my spiritual practices.. as love and working the heart to be full of love and tenderness is what keeps us happy and healthy.
Doing my best to always show love and appreciation and praying too for those family members that don't talk to one another that they heal their hurt and pain too by finding out WHY the "pain and separation" is there in the first place. By acknowledging it and healing it - and by knowing the root cause of these separations, at least they can start to make peace with it and self-heal.
Over the past few months through family constellation therapy and yoga - I recently made a list of over ten relationships in my own personal family tree of relations who don't talk anymore. Yes, that many! These are sisters, cousins and some parent child relationships on both sides of my family. =
After making this list, it astonished me that even cousins years ago in the Ukraine - would "white out" family they didn't talk to anymore. (see photo attached and people "whited out" in the back!). Like so many families, rifts between souls in a group can go back many generations!!!.
Though that is a big list, I am not alone, as my clients that come to me all have some level of dysfunction within their family and relationships. If we didn't - we would not be incarnated here on earth - so again, when people say they have nothing to work on and display the perfect family or say things like "I gotta handle on it" , they usually are hiding the biggest ego issues. But again, spirituality and this type of energy healing cannot be coerced. Its for those ready for it and who need it. These clients find me to do the work together when they are ready - I don't have to go looking for them, they just show up.
Creating this list started an opening to not only raise awareness in my own family - but to also have the dialog open for healing all those in this world in need of family constellation therapy. It also validates for me and my clients just how powerful DNA energy healing is to heal these type of "breaks" - caused by core beliefs in one's DNA from genetic/ancestral patterning over several generations.
Sometimes its a stress or depression gene.. other times - its core beliefs carried over 7 or 8 generations back given to your parents and grandparents by their ancestors. Other times its past life areas to be healed/cleared karmically between two individuals from the context "past and present" that they know one another. The reasoning between a rift is always unique to the client experiencing family constellation therapy - but it can be healed.. and it starts with YOU!.
Constellation therapy and healing family relationships with clients showed me that amazing breakthroughs can happen to heal the family unit. It also has made me much more vocal about sharing the work I do to not only help my clients heal, but also to ensure by example that my brother and sisters and my six niece and nephews don't repeat unhealthy cycles in future generations - both genetically and from "learned" behavior by my parents and ancestors.
I am so grateful to those who make the effort to understand family patterns that need healing and hope my sisters follow my older brother in his example to work on themselves. To me - this is truly a sign of promise within my own immediate family that certain family members can take ownership of healing themselves and stopping dysfunctional patterns from resurfacing that may or may not be apparent - as many "core beliefs" can be transmitted down to children in their DNA without the person knowing it or having any awareness that they are repeating unhealthy patterns.
For anyone that has ever had to leave a toxic relationship, whether it be a parent, a partner, a sibling, etc ..The best thing you can do for you is to "self-love" and accept the situation and heal - especially when there is any kind of emotional or physical abuse.
When the person's presence is no longer there for months at a time, you'll know what is best for you - because that separation gives you time to reflect and examine your interaction with that person. For example, for me personally, months turned into years away out west. This gave me a realization of just how controlled and emotionally abused I really was by my parents and how much better I felt about myself setting healthy boundaries and surrounding myself with more positive people who truly took a vested interest in me as a human being with a heart.
Sometimes a permanent break is necessary, especially if a person is not open and willing to heal or treat you right. But only YOU know what is right for you.. the healing we do alleviates the pain by removing the pain and sorrowful memories , replacing them with feeling happy, feeling worthy, feeling healthy and healed along with a better understanding of the "WHYS" within your relationships. and the context of your relations with other people in your soul group.
For example, growing up with a depressed bi-polar mother was tricky for me even in adulthood, as I didn't want to separate!. I would work so hard to get along and be at peace with her instead of separating. I kept trying to make it right and she would be so kind back for a while and would say: "Oh I really want to forget everything I've done to you yesterday and get along with you" and "I'm so sorry" and then, the next day her mood would turn dark for no reason she would turn back into this toxic person and start a tirade ripping me to shreds.. This pattern would re-occur sometimes even after having something beautiful and lovely to share like: " Oh, I dedicated a book I wrote to you." This is an example of how in my case - (and sometimes with clients) - the vessel is not there for the person to receive the love because they are not open or receptive to it and the person needs healing.
For anyone in your life, if a person is NOT happy for you when your happy… or if your love "floods" that person and they have no vessel to receive it, than you must stay away and gravitate towards those that are loving. Including those capable of being happy for you and those who vibrationally get you.. We are fortunate to live in times where we can separate and get help when someone is abusive.
Sometimes people walk away - afraid to confront a toxic person.. However, sometimes with time and healing, being brave enough to be truthful with that person, calling them out on what they are doing may be necessary - especially for those that never had a voice. By being authentic and telling your side, that other person gains "personal awareness" and can address or dig deep on how they can start to self-heal from this experience. They can look at how their actions have harmed you or others in your life. It opens up another perspective for that person to learn to be kinder by examining the pain they have caused others and perhaps allow them to get the help they need.
Change though cannot be forced. Some people are stuck in their ways and unfortunately will never change the pattern this lifetime - because its unconscious and they are not open to change or admit they are doing something wrong - even when they are called on it.
For example, I have an older distant cousin on my mother's side of the family that we called the "problem seeker" - as she would only call if someone was sick, dying etc.. She received some type of jolt in knowing she could help with a problem or talk about bad news to somehow feel better. If you told this person everything was going great" - it would make them angry and they would frown. Their opening line running into them in the neighborhood market was always "Are you happy?" "Is everything Okay?" ."Oh, I heard so and so is sick" . It made me realize that it is a "gene thing" that causes this lady to feel more alive and thriving from the feeling of "needing to be needed" for other people's problems. She only enjoys being around those suffering with some type of problem going on so that she can fix it.. when in turn she is the one that truly needs the internal self-love and healing. This is a trait some other people in my soul group have also displayed - that shows me it is a genetic patterning that needs to be healed and cleared internally when that person is ready.
When you separate yourself from toxicity and toxic people, in time, you will find these wounds heal, and you will recognize the patterns in others and in yourself.. And sometimes when its too prevalent in your own family genetics without getting healed, sometimes your birth family is not your real family. Its the people that want the best for you who share in your successes and that really understand and "get" you.
If you have any kind of relationship that needs healing, don't hesitate to look at what makes you stay around trying to please someone that is not respecting your boundaries or wanting the best for you. You must also look at the "whys"…of particular toxic relationships. Why you agreed to be here incarnated with certain individuals to begin with? What are you supposed to learn with these individual(s)? Is the lesson completed?. During work with my clients, we peel back the layers and understand the "Overall" purpose of a relationship karmically - "past" and "present" - this allows clients to know to what extent they need particular individuals in their lives and to what extent they don't.. Once the karmic lesson is reached with certain people in your life.. you will know - as the answer is different for everyone - but the healing/love will be there. Others, may serve a longer purpose in your lifetime.. the answer is to better understand what a person needs to learn and what a particular relationship represents for you (this time around), for your ultimate growth.
The ten commandments says "Honor your mother and father" - yet what if your mother and father
are toxic and try to harm you?. even as an adult? Do you still pursue a relationship? Do you continue to touch the hot stove and be burned? What if your sister and mom gang up on you? Do you hang around and take the abuse of feeling left out? i don't think so.. Yes, at first i was judged very harshly for distancing myself from my parents and certain family members, but in time, those that loved me and truly knew me realized the truth and understood- even if its not their path or remotely close, that I did and continue doing what is best for the situation. Though I am spiritual and not religious, Christianity and Judaism both say there are exceptions to this particular ten commandment - especially when you are mistreated or abused in any way.
Though my parents may one day be healed, (this lifetime or another lifetime), I have all the love, patience, forgiveness and acceptance in the world. I picked this path.. to heal me.. to heal others, and to have my well deserved freedom, therefore there are no regrets.
For my clients, "their movie" is NOT my movie".. and proud to say that we have had many successful cases of family relationship rifts healed from our work together - and breakthroughs with clients finding their own movie that resonates in their heart. These profound healings make me very very happy! However, each case is different, and sometimes healing you.. shifts the ofter people in your soul group - so a separation or temporary separation is possible - but it all leads eventually to a happy outcome that is in the best interest of my client and their healing- because it comes from them and it is healed with love. All I do is humbly connect clients to creator and have them feel and approve what changes we make. The client self-heals because they are proactively co-creating the healing and feeling the work we do.
I hope by sharing this, people will love, forgive, and heal from
any pain they have had to experience with toxic relationships in their lives, whatever it may be.
Even if an apology from the individuals who hurt you is never given, imagine it - as it will be making YOURSELF feel good! and that should be your top priority - as it keeps you happy, healthy and free!
Once cleared - no one can take away anyone's joy.. especially if its in your nature and personality.
A person can obtain more joy if they want to clear their depression.. but again that's the key.. A depressed person must WANT to clear it! , (like I wrote about in my last blog), Depression is different for each person and it depends on the person's relationship to it. Some love having a "wooh is me" attitude like the schlep rock cartoon character, and depression is their best friend. Playing the victim and being depressed sometimes serves a purpose or attention for that person. Others truly want the depression healed and the joy they have experienced before to return. it just depends.. its different for everyone.
In the future, I look forward to sharing more blogs on healing both physical and emotional ailments
and repairing family relationships from more case studies to help others reading this. It is important too that healthy adults make for happy children, therefore my work at Exit27 Transformational Healing is equally important to the work we do helping children with PALS AROUND THE WORLD.
For more questions or comments, or a remote or in-person healing, please feel free to email me at: firstname.lastname@example.org
Enjoy your week!
With Love and Light, Leslye