MY EARLY ADVENTURES WITH PSYCHICS...AND HEALING FROM THE TRUTH ABOUT MY MOTHER.. AND WHAT HAPPENED..
Though my cousin Char was a psychic medium growing up - she was never close enough to my birth family to help mentor me with my gifts. Though i studied past-life regression with her sister Alicia, my birth family often criticized medium work behind her back and some in the family were even scared of her!.. Not cool - yet there are some in this family that have “fear programing” that causes this and a lack of spiritual understanding. Though I didn’t see her that often, I loved Char and know she has a good heart and truly helps people! she bought me one of my favorite books at the age of 6 - an encyclopedia of Charlie Brown that I absolutely loved to read! Since in my younger years didn’t allow me to have role models to help me in this area.. I suppressed much of my intuitive abilities even though my mom knew I had them. It first became apparent one Christmas holiday at a convention downtown when Helene (my dad's old girlfriend who married someone else and moved to LA) was sitting next to my mom at breakfast. It was a Dental convention and she was there with her husband Jack, also a Dentist. At the time, I was only 7 or 8 years old when my mother was sitting next to this woman. Without knowing a word about her, and hearing them discuss divorces, I told this lady: "my parents are happily married" as I felt a strong need to protect my parents and their marriage. Though there was not much discussion .. my mom was “blown away” by my actions that day and said “how and why did you do that!” Her face “lit up”that day as if to “thank you. “ Yet with energy..and intuition.. sometimes you really don’t need words to catch what is going on..
Since there was really no one to turn to in this lifetime developing or understanding things I was experiencing or my healing capabilities, my first outlet for my self-discovery before connecting to healers was the world of psychics. They really paved the way to develop and allowed me to use my own gifts of intuition. As a teen, there was wonderful women like Lila Seagul and later on, this tarot reader named Marilyn that showed me how to "tap in" and use my own gifts and intuition more so during my teen years and early twenties.
My very first experience receiving a reading was when I was 11 years old. I wanted to go to a psychic for my birthday and so I had a grown-up birthday lunch that Saturday with my great Aunt Esther Goodman, who taught me to love reading and we spent my birthday together with my mom who drove us to this lady's house in Dearborn, Michigan. The lady's name was Fatima and she was from Lebanon. Her mediumship method was to read for her clients using Turkish coffee leaves that leave your energy in your cup after you have finished.. as yes.. your impressions are a form of energy. When she started to read for me .. she showed me an air plane, a pilot and the part of the world he came from and that we would have twins together. Anyone knows that the future can change..yet my mom was there listening in to the entire reading hearing this.. and so was my great aunt Esther Goodman. Aunt Esther's reading too was accurate, as she was widowed and the woman gave her messages and insight about my great Uncle who had passed over years before. She did this in a kind/loving way, much the way my cousin Char does for those who have lost loved ones. Despite hearing this.. my mother would not acknowledge it or recall it when it manifested and I started dating Sig in my thirties.
There was also another turning point when I was 17 yrs old, and went with my good high school friend Gwen to a reading she arranged with a psychic named Lila Seagul. It was Lila who saw my unique path as a healer working with children too and my work with all different celebrities. Her method was pure mediumship and exact astrology - taking my exact, hour, minute, date and birth location on earth to calculate my chart. This woman was very wise and her energy was very Native American. While she lived half the year in Arizona, she spent the other half of the year in Detroit. She was in her 60s at the time and very mentally sharp and very very specific and detailed in her cassette taped readings. To this day, I have never met anyone quite like her before in knowing such astonishingly accurate details about the past and present - including that my grandma Rose was dying of stomach cancer and would pass the following spring.. Lila though had different words to say about my future based on my exact astrological blue print than the Turkish coffee reading lady and was blown away..something astrologer Cal Garrison also told me almost identically years later in my 40s (not knowing of this one and only astrology reading) - as she had only seen a chart like mine once before in her years of astrology.
That day Gwen and I spent like 4 hours having our in-depth readings on cassette at Lila's house!. While Lila didnt mention Sig on this tape and I may have asked about an insignificant high school crush at the time that never amounted into anything..(as anyone in high school would do)..she did see me establishing myself and with what she described as an "aquarian type" of man connected with water as my mate this lifetime later in life in my late 30s - early 40s.. she also saw me and my path being very very different from the people in my soul group/surroundings growing up in Detroit. With nodes showing me living overseas and/or marrying someone from a different country. After going on and on about my grandmas cancer and my siblings life paths.. (all things that came true) she turned her attention to my father and how we were more older souls than the rest of my birth family. She also picked up on troubling spots in my parents marriage and went into detail. Though it was never discussed.. my father was "freaked out" when I innocently played the cassette for him! The next year he went searching for Lila in Arizona on his own ..as he really wanted a reading! as that is how accurate she was! Yet he never did find her again.. as she moved away.
Though I was still young, I was amazed that Lila could see my heart .. and my healing work with children and working with all different celebrities and being known for my work together with these people..All things that came true when i listened to the tape only a few years ago!.. Did I put my energy into this?.. No..in fact i forgot about this cassette and left it in a drawer for decades studying journalism and other pursuits! .. I just lived my life and took life one day at a time...and eventually I outgrew my psychic phase - relying on myself and my own energy. Years of spiritual studies and training as a healer.. lead me to be my own guide and I encourage others who have this gift to do the same. If you have heightened capabilities in this area you are born with.. use them for good in the world and - really be strong enough in yourself to follow your own path and guidance.. For every accurate, gifted and kind medium who uses their gifts to help others.. there are also those in this world who are frauds.. with no insight who can harm a naive or vulnerable person's path by "imprinting" false information. Therefore people should be careful who they go to.. and even those with heightened psychic facilities should be able to spot a fake and know the difference.
Psychic medium astrologers like Lila Seagul today are difficult to find... and that is why you should be your own guide on your path.. You don’t have to know what is coming..you can just feel and sense your way.. That is part of the learning process here at this time. Energy and spirit is always speaking from above and can help. Though Lila kept emphasizing on the tape that I was different and had a very very special path in life healing and helping with the masses and working with celebrities. ..It made me feel good..yet it was something I internally knew already ... as i was already connecting to my own gifts/energies from spirit and saught these people out not to read me.. for validation that what i was tuning into was the correct path with the the signs/messages I was receiving and that they were the “real thing.” I also realized that my mother had psychic gifts of her own too.. yet they were supressed from years (past life) of using them in the wrong way.. These were not discussed with me..yet they surfaced many times with healers and on retreats and in regressions as i got older and wiser..more “in tune” to my healing capabilities as I learned and studied.. We may pick our parents and they may pick us - yet we are not karmically responsible for the “bad behavior” or anyone elses..as we are only responsible for ourselves. All of us are at different levels of spiritual growth. Sometimes we pick these individuals to help them grow and they help us learn/grow too.. for me this particular lesson this lifetime is “speaking up” and using my Voice.
Back to the story.. this medium Lila was so unbelievably accurate! Not sure where the tape is today..yet she was so "right on!" . She also saw my parents troubled marriage, my father's lost love in LA that he did "drivebys"of her home with cousin Lenny my first year in LA and picked up on many things involving myself, my path and that of my siblings .. !
Not knowing what to do with my own intuitive gifts at a young age and "supressing them" to fit in made me feel very vulnerable at times - as my mom sensed i knew certain things my siblings didnt..
Yet little did I know how vulnerable this tape would make me.. or that years later what a target it made me for my parents and their issues..
I never talked about it and i supressed so much to protect them..yet when you are fighting for your own life.. sometimes sharing your story is all that you have standing left between you and your own happiness..and protecting your life and your purpose.
Given my intuition, during my teen and adolescent years, I spent more time with friends being social - and removed myself from my parents as often as possible so my mother wouldnt "know" what I "knew," This was a way of protecting myself and getting away from the instability of their "movie" - as they could sure talk about other people's movie.. yet when I got the courage to use my voice and call them out on their own hypocrisy, toxicity and secrets that became "transparent" - they just couldnt deal with the truth.
As I turned 18, I was forever seeking out different mentors to understand my gifts.. sometimes shamans, sometimes intuitive healers...just kind people who sometimes "understood me" and mentored/healed me and stuck to those parental roles in the family who loved me unconditionally..This includes Dorita - or "Dora the Explorer" my second mamacita in Calif and also my grandparents,
particularly my poppy George in Miami. On an intuitive level .. I know my grandma Rose and George put me out west with Dorita and Hal for protection and healing after they passed over.. first in the 90s and then years later..as they too sensed what was going on and what was needed for me to fufill my path.
Growing up in middle school, when I was around my mother, I was always neglected and slept much of the time after school.. something she told me was normal for my age..yet i wonder now if it was depression - as im not like that anymore and always felt in those years of adolescence like I had a sleeping spell on me!
Fatima (my first psychic visit at 11) was the one to describe Sig in detail as my future husband and that we would have twins together.. again...That WAS.. the plan.. the imprint.. and whether it was imprinting or not..it was coming true..and he was there in my “real” movie” long before i met him.... yet with interference your future can be changed.. and mine was..
My intense regression work with gifted healers as an adult showed this path too.. and later the interference -including “crisp and clear” messages and my mom’s interference.
When I was first dating Sig (a pilot) in my thirties, my friend Michelle Cline also took me to see a psychic in Garden City, MI. This time a man. Though his name I can’t recall, I clearly remember it was after Sig broke his left ankle water skiing (years before the movie "HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON" came out with my mom as the jealous green eyed dragon..and him as the viking boy with a broken left ankle) and I clearly remember testing his capabilities to read me.. as I was starting to do this with anyone that put me in the path of a psychic... so during this session, i took a stack of all different friends photos with me.. boys and girls .. and out of 50 different pictures... the man said Sig was my soulmate and the one I would have children with.. again.. though many good readers saw this..this isnt the outcome of my movie today.. and though my mother definitely energetically harmed my path.. I am really okay with it - as everything happens for a reason.. and you can have more than one story and more than one love in life..Ive experienced this.. so i know that..
I also have had new/renewed love and happiness in my heart this year to forgive and to move on.
What i want today.. is my story told so that i can have more peace and healing in my life and retribution for what i have been through with these birth parents.. (as no one can imagine what that is like unless they’ve experience it themselves...) and the freedom to move on and be happy with new love without any more interference. I know my grandpa Jacobs in spirit wants it to.. as on his death bed as a little girl, he was speaking in German (his parents native tongue - though he was born in Yorkshire, England) , there were past and present life memories surfacing with much anger towards my mother.. screaming at her and calling her “QUEENIE” in his native tongue that he never spoke in..As a child it was shocking and frightening to witness.. yet I was so close to my grandfather and knew something was surfacing before he crossed over.. and working on my Jacobs family tree 2 years ago and all the “connect the dots” with my path including some as it related to Sig and other family members she intereferred with that came out .. was something she tried to stop me from opening up.... yet again.. my orphaned grandfather and my path with kids is what im here for ..and she could not stop the truth from coming out.
Though its been about 6 months since I’ve truly felt good and no longer haunted by this nightmare- my mother has still tried to harm me with no remorse for what happened and no compassion for the energy she put into harming Sig.. and I doubt I will ever get that out of her.. with the help of my grandparents in spirit.. I know they are helping me to find my voice and to speak up. and that she will heal when she is ready to.
I looked at Sig’s site today for the first time in a long long time and he posted his boat floating around with his wife from Korea and has beautiful twins sailing around "BELLVILLE" as in (Bee/ Leslye /Lynn Ville.) - something we used to joke about as MY town.. and i thought.. this is crazy! ...yet that is what has happened..and peace and acceptance are key...so is forgiveness too.
Though I am a bit saddened by this fairytale turned nightmare I know my happy ending is here ..because the truth...MY TRUTH is transparent.. and even without words.. people feel in their hearts what has happened...and the loss I had to heal from.
And though I was sad about this for a long time ...especially my mother putting energy and harm into Sig - a spiritual person would never seek revenge.. nor would this new Sig.. just pity that someone could be so low and cruel to harm so many people and will have to deal with what karma has in store for them.
Though I still work through forgiving myself for not following or admitting signs that were shown to me long ago.. that i didnt want to admit to myself i was seeing... I have learned to speak up, defend myself and protect my heart moving forward and can say that today I am in a much stronger place and love life!
Writing is cathartic.. and though i have been through a lot with my mother and her black magic..as yes harming thoughts are just that...and can "energetically" harm others.. I mostly blamed myself for letting her do this to me.. and for harming Sig and my dad who had the heart aneurisym in the same hospital too at the same time when she pushed me to quite the UN and move to France 3 years ago.
Not knowing the extent of the damage she would do..and that I would allow this by not speaking up to defending myself.. ...I realized during this healing period the last few years that I am learning to use my Voice in the right way to speak up and defend myself and to follow this new path/direction. Something that i had to do past lifetimes too.. as this is a “repeat’ lesson for me.. and the new pattern I have set for myself.
I have also learned that karmically it would bite her in the ass one day..and it did..and will continue to do so until she can learn to want well for me and other people in their love life without manipulation or harm. (something for her and my father to work out).. so that she doesn't cause pain or harm to any more people. She may learn to atone in this lifetime .. and she may not..Yet atleast the truth.. my truth..is out there.
Regarding me.. my healing is being divinely guided as this new chapter/journey in my life unfolds.. and like I teach my clients and know from experience..movies and future projections can always change..thats why when you are "in tune" to yourself - you don’t need a psychic to know what comes next.. and you follow your own thoughts, plans and dreams.. and they can change in a moment..
if we all knew the outcome we wouldnt be here!
and if you do still have curiosity and have to know..be careful who share your heart and wishes with.. that is what i have learned.
Today i have a new dream and plan...amazing adventures the last six months and more love and fun adventures to come! .
My father who dated and had many girlfriends in his lifetime before marriage.. said it best years ago when we went through his many adventures and picture books of girlfriends. He taught me that in life..you can "LOVE" more than one person.. I have felt that and I realize his words are true..yet I know better than to display my private life and personal photos in the future on social media after the tragic consequences of what i went through the past few years.
My sisters too, are starting to distance themselves from my parents and connect to what they didnt want to see before.. and how my mom caused energetic events to occur so that family wouldnt like me or be around me.. they also stopped all of us from being close to each other to keep us "separate,” competitive and the focus on them. That is what narcissistic parents do.
Even in high school - my mom would hand me books on stoners and girls that were slutty...implying they were “my movie”.. when they were not me! it was hilarious to close friends who knew me just how ‘out of touch’ my mom was in understanding her own daughter!.. Yet she strongly projected it.. and many friends and family remember that she was toxic - constantly looking and telling stories about me.. wanting people to see the worst in me..
Even as an adult this toxicity was still there. I will never forget a few years ago in LA when the movie "Silver Lining Playbook" came out and BOTH my parents were laughing at me.. saying that I was the character played by Jennifer Lawrence in the movie..
Yes I did live in my relatives guest house - Dorita and Hal, and yes i had an old boyfriend Tom - yet this character was definitely NOT me..something my relatives know to be true too.. yet this experience was cluing me into just how harmful their energy and projections were becoming towards me.. It was one of the lowest points besides wishing Sig and me harm.
My sister Pam and Lis - too were like little “followers” that parroted whatever my mom thought or sad.. even if it was mean, harsh or judgemental and out of touch with modern times .. including my mom's sheltered narrow-minded views in life saying over and over again "Its a man's world and women need to understand that" - like were time warped to the 50s! Yet thats small town Midwestern “mentality” for you.. They think they know everything..yet they are sheltered and know very little.
My sister was never strong enough to stand up to my mom..and having a”lost love” in LA like my dad.. One that my mom made sure she never saw again..and the pain and anger they had at me over living there the past 8 years.. - was not my fault..yet it was used as "fuel" to put energy into me not being in LA....and was a common bond Pam and my dad shared in common.
So you see ...from examples like these and my dad and old boyfriend Sig almost dying from the brain aneursym 3 years ago.. I have been through much pain and grief in the last few years.. yet im alright..and Im am a survivor! and i will no longer take crap from any of them.
My mom may have wanted Sig to be with someone else and the "unrequited" past love she had for him (past life) was felt and witnessed by gifted healers like Christina G., Dorothy and many others who have worked with me on the LBL (Life Between Lifetimes) and energy healing sessions where her jealousy over my heart connection with Sig surfaced.
Yet Today,... the new Sig shows he is married with kids.. and Im truly happy for him.. as the “spirit” of the person i knew and loved left on that day in August when the accident happened and never returned..
Though my mom is so happy about what happened... she will never hurt me or someone I love anymore! .. and she will be never really know what that kind of love feels like with her jealousy... She also wont hurt the new Sig and wife/family as from writing this - its protection.... The past is the past.. and my heart is healing nicely.. and I know and feel much love and protection around me..and know that by sharing my story that something like this will never ever happen again because there is too much love and humanity in this world to ever allow it too with it finally coming out!
While I am a very forgiving person and the Sig I knew was too.. we both have moved on with our lives.. ..yet other people in this world are not so much this way.. and my mother would be a fool to ever fly Delta airlines again or think that people want to be around her knowing the kind of energetic harm she has managed to create.
When two parents cause their children pain and they cant "own it" or "identify it" .. they will “own it” and understand it.. when they leave this world.
With the history of what has happened.. .I am not a victim.. I am here to write about it to finally close this chapter.. and start anew.. continuing to stay as far away as possible from my parents while continuing to heal from the sense of sadness over what they have done in this family.
Regarding this "new" Sig post brain aneurisym - I only want him and his family be happy. (i was haunted by him 6 months ago when Norway builders were building next door to my home) .. yet It was also leading me to explore my own Scandinavian roots abroad and enjoy my next exiting adventure in my life.. and i know there is more to come!
The old Sig that I knew (pre-brain aneurysm) who was so into me intellectually, physically and emotionally - body and soul is gone.. The new Sig may have the same "shell" on the outside..yet the person inside is a completely new spirit .. and not the person in the photos with me. There is no heart connection anymore and therefore I am not tuned into him anymore.... Time heals all wounds and travel and new experiences.. brings new life ...new love and new joy..<3
The past is over.. the damage was done.. and I am fine :)
On this day.. the holiest of days.. the Days of Atonement in the Jewish religion.. I pray for more forgiveness for myself and others.. and for continued healing.
I also pray that these two souls who brought me into the world truly understand and feel all the pain and hurt they have caused this family and other people so that it stops for good!
In addition to my parents I also forgive myself for doing the best I can to BE MYSELF.. to heal the wounds/pain my birth parents have caused me and others.. and I to forgive myself for not speaking up sooner.. to avoid my father and Sig from having their aneurysms. Yet i realize that things happen for a reason.. and its not my fault....yet a test for me to finally speak up and defend myself.
Today and during this eclipse - I continue to focus on the present moment and all the blessings in the coming year with my focus on service and helping others with my work and the magical healing on its way..
Yes today I am in the present moment and loving life.. yet on the rare occasion when i do occasionally think of the old Sig i once knew... I think of it as a fond place in my memory bank of a person I once loved and knew for over a decade. Like my dad., I too, have loved more than one person and I love again.. as the new chapters in my life have already begun <3
And as I continue to be happy and healthy, I am very much focused on manifesting and clearing the path to help more kids and heal more adults too to "survive and thrive" from abusive situations by sharing my story. Wishing Everyone a beautiful autumn equinox.